Me and a dear friend were lounging in his moms shed, bullshitting about life when I confided in him to be real with me on how he saw me.
“Do you think I’m an intense person?”, humbly.
“Intense, no- but you can be emotionally suffocating.” His voice was light and playful, but I deeply respected his opinion.
I thought he was right.
My jaw dropped and a smile crept across my face as I took the hit.
A little shocked, and impressed, I was pleasantly surprised by his rawness. He played it off like he was half teasing, but the writing was on the wall.
It was exactly what I was looking for- and when I asked, I knew he would set it to me straight.
I was fascinated by this bit of information, and I thought about it often.
I carried it with me. *emotionally suffocating*
I often caught myself holding my breath because I was holding on to emotions- I was letting them consume me.
I still do sometimes, but I’ve gotten better.
I don’t want to feel like that, let alone make anyone else feel that way.
But I’m done pretending that I’m like everyone else;
Like I don’t feel so deeply so easily.
Like I’m not extremely comfortable and somewhat stimulated by the rawness and the sharp edges that life can always serve.
Like I’m not chronically bored by the vanilla sugar coating that most people are comfortable with consuming.
I know that stuff’s not good for you, and it’s just a matter of time before you realize it’s artificial.
But it’s okay, ya know?
Sometimes a little sweetener feels like a treat.
And keeping it light is a practice that I continue to unload.
Keep breathing, Nik.
Let emotions come and flow.
It’s okay to feel,
just don’t hold onto it for so long.
You’re on the right path. 🌻🙏🏼